What Do You Say After You Say Hello?

Summary

Eric Berne's book «What Do You Say After You Say Hello?» explores the psychological scripts that people unconsciously follow throughout their lives. Berne analyzes how these scripts are formed in childhood under the influence of parents and society, and how they affect a person's behavior and destiny. The author introduces the concept of transactional analysis, explaining how interactions between people can be understood through the roles of Parent, Adult, and Child. The book offers methods for recognizing and changing negative scripts to improve the quality of life and interpersonal relationships.

Main Ideas

• Script Theory: Berne describes how people create life scripts in childhood that later influence their behavior and destiny.
• Transactional Analysis: Berne's main theory, which views interactions between people as transactions consisting of stimuli and responses.
• Ego States: The concept that personality consists of three ego states: Parent, Adult, and Child, which influence behavior and communication.
• Games People Play: Berne analyzes everyday psychological games that people use for manipulation and achieving hidden goals.
• Script Matrices: A tool for analyzing and understanding life scripts, including elements such as prescriptions, prohibitions, and permissions.
• Psychological Strokes: The idea that people need recognition and approval, and how this affects their interactions and self-esteem.
• Rituals and Pastimes: Berne examines how people structure their time and interactions through rituals and various forms of pastimes.

Key Concepts and Strategies

The main concepts and strategies outlined in Eric Berne's book «What Do You Say After You Say Hello?» include:
1.Script Theory: Berne describes how people write life scripts in childhood and follow them into adulthood. These scripts determine their behavior and destiny.
2.Transactional Analysis: A method of analyzing interactions between people based on three ego states: Parent, Adult, and Child.
3.Games People Play: Berne analyzes psychological games that people use for manipulation and avoiding direct communication.
4.Strokes: A concept describing the need for recognition and attention from others.
5.Life Positions: Four basic positions people can take in relation to themselves and others: «I'm OK – You're OK», «I'm OK – You're not OK», «I'm not OK – You're OK», and «I'm not OK – You're not OK». These positions affect their interactions and worldview.

Implementation Notes

• Understanding Life Scripts: Recognize that everyone lives according to a certain script formed in childhood under the influence of parents and environment. It's important to identify your script and understand how it affects your life.
• Transaction Analysis: Study how people interact with each other through transactions, which can be complementary, crossed, or ulterior. This will help you better understand and manage communication.
• Roles and Games: Identify the roles and games you and those around you play in everyday life. This will allow you to consciously choose which roles to take on and which games to avoid.
• Ego States: Divide your behavior into three ego states: Parent, Adult, and Child. Learn to recognize which state you are acting from in various situations and strive to use the Adult state more frequently.
• Script Matrices: Use script matrices to analyze and change your life script. This will help you become aware of the beliefs and assumptions influencing your decisions and behavior.
• Contract Therapy: Apply contract therapy to change undesirable scripts. Make a contract with yourself or a therapist to change certain aspects of your behavior and follow it.
• Mindfulness and Reflection: Develop mindfulness and reflection skills to better understand your thoughts, feelings, and actions. This will help you more consciously manage your life and change undesirable scripts.
• Communication Strategies: Learn and apply effective communication strategies to improve interactions with others and avoid conflicts.
• Psychological Strokes: Understand the importance of psychological strokes (positive and negative) and their impact on self-esteem and motivation. Aim to give and receive positive strokes.
• Dealing with the Inner Critic: Learn to recognize and manage your inner critic to reduce its negative impact on your self-esteem and behavior.

Interesting Facts

• The book explores the concept of life scripts formed in childhood that influence a person's behavior and destiny.
• Eric Berne introduces the concept of a «life script», defined as a life plan formed based on early childhood decisions and parental messages.
• The author uses the term «strokes» to describe units of social recognition necessary for psychological survival.
• The book examines various types of games people play in their relationships and their impact on life.
• Berne analyzes how scripts and games affect professional activities, personal relationships, and overall life satisfaction.
• The book offers methods for recognizing and changing negative scripts, allowing people to live more consciously and happily.
• Eric Berne uses real-life examples and clinical practice to illustrate his theories and methods.

Book Review

Eric Berne's book «What Do You Say After You Say Hello?» is a significant contribution to the field of transactional analysis and psychology. In it, the author explores the scripts people create for their lives and how these scripts influence their destiny. Berne uses the concept of a «life script» to explain how early decisions and beliefs formed in childhood shape a person's behavior and fate. Critics note that the book is written in accessible language and contains numerous practical examples, making it useful for both professionals and a general audience. However, some reviewers point out the complexity of certain concepts and the need for prior knowledge in psychology to fully understand the material. Overall, the book has received positive reviews for its deep analysis of human behavior and practical value.